I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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