Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Randomize
