Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize