I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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