is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
