how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!