Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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