Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I have surprise drugs for everyone
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
