It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.