lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
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you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
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College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.