So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
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Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
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You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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