What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS