pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I just googled if crying burns calories
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the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
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I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.