I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
