what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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