i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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