id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
