I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
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