I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
