Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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