i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
