Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Randomize
