I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
