i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
