GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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