Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
