I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
