dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
well, you know. whores of a feather.
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