Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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