There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
