he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
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