my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
