I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
