We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
