Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Randomize
