he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
