Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
did i just pee glitter
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
