My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
