THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
