i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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