Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Randomize
