Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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