What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
