In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
