um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
