i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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