I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
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Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
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What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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