So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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