Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Randomize
