Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
You had me at "let me see your balls"
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
