Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Randomize
