it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
