it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
