My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I can't turn off my feet"
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
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