I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
