The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I touched a dick in church today
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
