This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
