be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Randomize
