Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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