In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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