Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Randomize
