The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
