Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
